The 21 days of restraint cause many households to be a simmering pot of emotions – an eruption that is apparently just waiting to happen. How must this family conflict be handled?
NASA astronauts and crew of submarines undergo intensive training to prepare them for the isolation and sense of confinement that awaits them. Suddenly, South Africans, and indeed many people around the world, find themselves in this proverbial boat. In many cases without any warning or advice.
Marise Swart , clinical psychologist in Pretoria, explains why conflict and emotional outbursts are normal in this uncertain time. “In times of uncertainty and panic, children react more intensely. These emotional outbursts are often their way to communicate that they are afraid or anxious. At the same time, parents are also vulnerable because they suddenly have to play many new roles and cope without the usual support of domestic workers, caregivers and school programs. Their ability to handle everyday situations is limited, and they quickly feel overwhelmed, angry, or powerless. It is not uncommon for parents to be very strict during times of crisis. The limited personal space and diverse needs of family members bring further friction, frustration and conflict between parents, children and relatives. ”
Right or wrong?
Marise says: “It is important that parents do not condemn or minimize their own and others’ emotions. Emotions such as anger, fear and sadness are healthy and essential for survival. Children use emotions to communicate their needs. See these emotions as valuable snippets of information that provide an opportunity for conversation. Reflect on what your child is trying to say, ‘Do I understand you correctly? I hear it makes you very angry. It can not be nice.’ Do not just try to change the situation, rather ask what your child’s plan is to resolve this situation. Even young children can surprise with their creative suggestions.”
Also remember: Conflict is just a symptom of uncertainty and fear and an opportunity for self-examination and growth.
Tips that work
- Assume that sometimes there will be conflict. Conflict does not mean that your happy marriage and family life have been a joke all along. Provide open communication channels between you and your partner. Be realistic in your expectations, and be sympathetic to your family and yourself.
- Be prepared. There are certain times that are worse than others? Maybe late afternoon, when everyone misses the sport at school . Or early morning when the reality of the four walls hits everyone anew. Consider a new routine or activity to channel these negative feelings.
- Find an outlet for all the emotions. Exercise is very important rich. Consider rope jumping or an obstacle course in or around the house. Also provide opportunities to be creative. Make time for creative hobbies: cooking, music, drawing, painting or woodworking.
- Give everyone the opportunity to be alone sometimes. It could be time alone in your room, or inside a small house or apartment, the chance to sit still somewhere and be busy without interruption with something you love.
- Adhere to a predictable but flexible, routine. Daily activities can include personal hygiene and house cleaning, attention to schoolwork or creative brain games, board and other games, reading or listening to stories, and screen time. Walk outside in the garden if possible.
- Limit screen time – do not sit in front of the television or computer all day.
- Use technology to stay in touch with family, friends and the necessary support services.
