Children spell out love – TIME … So what if your time is short and limited? Can the time you spend together make a positive difference in your child’s life?
Children love game s TIME .. . So what if your time is short? Can the time you spend together make a positive difference in your child’s life?
Of course, we all know how important it is to spend good, quality time with our children. The benefits are actually obvious. But with our busy schedules, this is truly easier said than done. In fact, many parents will admit that they feel very guilty about the amount of time they can spend with their children.
Where does the problem lie?
“Today’s parents find it increasingly difficult to spend quality time with their children,” agrees Mr. Renardo Treurnich, clinical psychologist at TherapyWise in Hatfield, Pretoria. “Our changing world often threatens the parent-child relationship. The fast pace of our day to day ‘s life make extreme demands on both parents and children and cause time is expensive and limited . After all, parents spend long hours at work and often experience a lot of pressure. In order to keep up, parents are increasingly relying on different forms of technology to communicate with the people in their lives . This technology is also used as recreation so that parents, even when they are at home, do not give their full attention to their children.
“Furthermore, there are less safe boundaries in the parent-child relationship. Parents routinely adjust these limits or protocols to suit their circumstances and not always too consistently. For example, parents who insisted on parental supervision at certain movies last week are now looking the other way because they have a more urgent crisis on the horizon. It makes children feel insecure and unsafe. ”
Parents who experience it this way often experience a lot of guilt. Mrs Marise Swart, clinical psychologist at TherapyWise explains further. “Parents are often very disillusioned when they cannot be the perfect parent. Parents with little time, and therefore less energy, struggles with the feeling that they are ‘not good parents’ or ‘not doing enough’ for their children. They often want to give their children the things they did not have as children, only to experience time and time again that they also fall short. ”
Little time can be enough
However, excessive guilt can cause the problem to snowball, precisely because it causes so much stress. Marise believes parents with limited time can make the most of the time with their children, with a little planning. Here we must particularly emphasizes the importance of good and meaningful communication.
Parents who want to communicate meaningfully must make sure that they communicate their own feelings and rules clearly , actively listen and give their full attention to their children. Confirm what you hear, for example: “I can see you are discouraged with that teacher.” Give children insight into problem solving and decisions that affect the family.
It is also important that parents set boundaries, to themselves, when it comes to family time. Make sure you take the time to spend time together as a family, even if you can not do it often. Turn off the phone and make sure you give your child full attention. The activity that you do together is not necessarily important , but it’s good to do something related to your child’s specific love language. Curl up for a fun story, paint each other’s toenails or help your child fix his broken bicycle wheel.
More tips that work
Marise and Renardo share the following tips:
- Involve your children in daily activities, such as cooking, shopping or gardening. Parents can take turns making sure everyone has the opportunity to do something together. Even routine tasks can provide an opportunity to talk about serious, or fun, matters.
- Try to spend “ghost time” with your child – to remind them you care for them. Leave a note in a lunch box or school bag or send a text message or small gift when you are unable to attend an important sports match.
- Physical touch is important, also for older children. Touch your children in different ways: a hug when they get up, a hand on the shoulder when doing homework or a fake wrestling match on the grass. Try pulling each other’s hands and feet off on paper or offering to rub tired feet with cream.
- Eye contact is very important. If you tend to run past each other, you can play the staring game for a while to encourage eye contact. Two family members should look each other in the eyes without moving a muscle. The first one to laugh is the “loser”.
Pick the fruit
What are the benefits of being together for parents, children and their relationship? Children want to feel that they belong and that they have value for their parents, families and the community. Meaningful time and communication with your children therefore confirms to them that they are worthy of being heard, that they are important and that you value them.
Marise expands on this. “The child’s relationship with his parents is the child’s first and most important relationship. This relationship forms the basis of how the child experiences himself and his world. The contact between parent and child influences the formation of the child – the child’s ‘self’ develops as a product of here the relationship. The quality of the time that the parent and child spend together is important for the formation of the child’s self-confidence, self-worth and identity. ”
Renardo explains that the opposite is also true. Children who do not spend meaningful time with their parents, and are not heard, often develop emotional deficiencies. “There are several negative consequences of unsatisfied needs. These consequences are not necessarily immediately apparent and can become problematic later. The following are possible consequences: a feeling of mistrust in the environment, insecurity, shame and self-doubt, misconduct, anger, guilt and an inferiority complex. It can lead to other problems, for example anxiety, obsessive, compulsive or oppositional behavior and depression. Children who experience that their needs are not recognized and met, feel these worries in isolation and look for alternative, sometimes less healthy , ways to satisfy these needs. ”
